Tragedy...

It's been four days since the horrendous tragedy at Sandy Hook Elementary and I'm still struggling with it.  I'm having trouble sleeping, and with a kindergartner and a two year old I have been having irrational half asleep thoughts about preventing something from happening to them while they are safe in their own beds.  My heart bleeds for the parents who are having to deal with a real life nightmare.

I watch very, very little news.  I found out about the tragedy at work.  As I was ringing a customer he said a shooting had happened at a kindergarten and it was "all over the news."  He didn't mention where it had happened right away, and my fear quickly went to my wife and children since my wife takes my daughter once a week to school and it happened to be that Friday.  While I am relieved that my family is safe, I feel sick to think of the many families who are going into a season of peace dealing with so much pain.

As is consistent with the far too many shootings that happen in the US, there is enough blame to go around.  Many blame the media for the over the top coverage that seems to put the killers on a pedestal.  The debate on gun control is waged.  The president gets blamed.  The NRA gets blamed.  Leaders say ignorant things without thinking.  Etc., etc.  No one wants to take the blame.  It's way easier to get behind a solution and pass the buck, and I admit to doing this myself.

Perhaps it is time to come together as communities and fight to prevent this while shouldering the blame ourselves.  We focus on the victims, and rightly so, but there aren't enough people fighting for the kind of pre-prison care to help the mentally challenged.  It is outrageous, from my viewpoint, that it isn't illegal to own an assault weapon.  It is tragic that many feel so afraid that their solution is to arm more people and fight fire with fire.

In the end I don't have a perfect solution.  No one does.  No matter how many people have guns and know how to use them it is nearly impossible to prevent someone intent on doing harm from doing so when they already have the means to do so.

We haven't failed because we didn't get the bad guy.  We have failed because we didn't truly love the bad guy in the first place.  To love our enemies is biblical, and loving your neighbor as yourself is as close to an obligation as there is in the Bible, yet we treat love like it's a feeling instead of the action it was intended to be, whether as a reflection of one's inner feelings or not.  We keep arguing about symptoms without addressing the real problems.

I say we because I include myself in the criticism.  Too often the Bible is interpreted in a way that demands individual adherence in an internal way but leaves one with no sense of purpose as a member of society.  We aren't just called to love our neighbors by ourselves, but as communities, churches, cities, states, countries, governments, etc.  Who knows what level of love in action would have prevented any tragedy?  All I know is that to prevent future tragedy it will need a stronger, united, community that cares beyond charity.

So what am I going to do from now on?  I intend to get to know my neighborhood and neighbors a bit better.  My wife and I will continue to take active roles in our children's school.  Most importantly, I'm going to seize the moments I get with those I love.  You never know what can happen.

I conclude with some Bible verses that speak to prevention and healing in this moment, and pray that God's grace and healing be with the victims:

"Speak up for those who cannot speak for themselves, for the rights of all who are destitute. Speak up and judge fairly; defend the rights of the poor and the needy" Proverbs 31:8-9

 "If there is a poor man among your brothers in any of the towns of the land that the Lord your God is giving you, do not be hardhearted or tightfisted toward your poor brother. Rather be openhanded and freely lend him whatever he needs" Deuteronomy 15:7-8

"Rescue those being lead away to death; hold back those staggering toward slaughter. If you say 'But we knew nothing about this,' does not he who weighs the heart perceive it? Does not he who guards your life know it?" Proverbs 24:11-12

Carpe diem and God bless
Hug your little ones (if you have them) tight

Jason (with heavy heart)

The Benefits and Dangers of Doubt

My journey in life and in faith has been a weird one at times.  I was raised in an environment where doubting one's beliefs was almost synonymous with sin.  I vividly recall telling my grandmother about having doubts and she seemed to panic gently as she went to get a videotape which used the Bible to reaffirm an unwavering belief of Jesus Christ as Lord and of the necessity to be unwavering in this belief as well as the urgent need to ask Jesus into our hearts and "be saved."  While I love my grandma dearly and know she was doing the most loving thing she could think of, this kind of faith has left me, as well as many others I'm sure, feeling suffocated.  There is no gray area.  All in or all out.  Heaven or Hell.  Eternal life or torment.  Doubt is viewed dangerously in this context, but this view of doubt ultimately turns many people away from healthy communities, healthy questions, and turns doubt into something that can become more harmful than if it were embraced, which leads me into my recent struggles with doubt which can be unhealthy.

The flip side of doubt being repressed is that doubt can turn into nihilism, whether consciously nihilist or subconsciously, or somewhere in between.  I will share another example from my own life.  As I've grown older, I came to embrace doubt as I stopped being afraid of not knowing and being comfortable with not having to have all the answers.  Over the last few years I have been through some very difficult times.  In a short span I lost a job, a home, failed to start what I thought would be a fulfilling career, felt called to ministry, felt rejected when I didn't get into ministry after completing the preliminary work and have had to deal with all the family problems that have come with this when you are married with two young children.  I have always handled anger through sarcasm.  Worry has never been a problem for me, even when it should be and procrastination has been a constant struggle for me.  As a result of the pain and emotional scarring I have endured recently I believe I have at times come close to having my doubts turn into nihilism.  Sometimes you try so hard and put so much into something that when it leaves you burned you can't help but to not care anymore as an emotional defense mechanism.  The problem is that on the inside you still care as much as you did when you fought so hard for your goals.  When doubts eclipse faith, the danger is in thinking nothing matters.  This is doubt gone wrong.

The beauty of life is that even when we feel hopeless and that the light inside of us will never show through our doubts which eclipse it, God works his miracles internally and we are able to once again see a light at the end of the tunnel.  Even right now as I'm writing this, that light may just be a glimmer, but it's there.  I did my best to find my purpose by doubting my faith away, but the hunger for my purpose remains.  The beauty of a healthy doubt is that it opens us up to true reconciliation with God.  I feel badly for those of you who are only born again once!  When you have no doubts how can you have faith?  When you have all the answers you put yourself up so high that you would be fortunate to survive the fall.  Could it be possible that God relates to us more in question than in answer?

To conclude, I am far from perfect.  I get close to not caring, but being with a supporting group at my church has kept me from straying to the "point of no return."  My pain still walks with me, but it reminds me that I do care; that God cares.  The more we learn the less we know.

God bless.  

Finding God In Mystery

Every time a natural disaster happens I'm always horrified at how quickly certain people (you know who) are to explain God's purpose or to rationalize what happened, even claiming God was behind the disaster.  I have no idea what the personal motivations might be for this (they probably vary depending on who it is), but it probably has to do with trying to contrive some sort of comfort from being in control.  This is kind of a paradox to me, since things like tornadoes, hurricanes, tsunamis and earthquakes prove that human beings are far from in control, and yet it seems like a prevalent coping mechanism is to explain what happened, why it happened and even what can be done to prevent it.
Of course, these "explanations" differ depending on who the person is.  Did God cause the disaster because the people affected weren't faithful enough?  Is there no God and is this all scientifically explained?  Does an explanation really help anyone, let alone the victims?
I personally cannot fathom a just God who would cause something to happen in so destructive away, and giving witness to this kind of God helps no one accept those who feel that they have God's favor over other people.  Likewise, while the scientific explanation for natural occurrences may be accurate, it can't predict when a disaster will happen and is also of no use to the victims.  In both "explanations" each response has the appearance of having "all the answers" and yet having this knowledge does nothing to bring justice or healing to those in need.
I once watched a show on TV where in the plot, police officers were looking for a person who had been responsible for molesting another person many years earlier.  In the closing scene one of the main police officers encounters the "criminal" and points his gun at the other person's head.  The "criminal" implores the officer to "do what he has to do" and explains that he has lived with the crime for years, that he has made peace with God and has reformed himself over the years, but that he still lives with the guilt of what happened.  He also implies that he has been going to church.  The officer doesn't shoot him, but places him under arrest as the narrator concludes the show.  I can only paraphrase, but I believe the narrator asked:  "Why does God allow these things to happen?  Where is he when people feel this kind of pain?  I used to be angry with God for allowing these things to happen, but now I have an idea of where God is.  He is in the hands of those who heal and of those who try to make things right."
While I probably butchered the plot or what was precisely said, it has always been the final point that stuck with me.  It is quite obvious that we don't know why things happen.  Anything we try to say to those in pain usually doesn't get through.  Sometimes what we do falls short.  But where is God when disasters happen?  He is with the clean-op crews, the doctors, and those who help rebuild.  Even though the world is problematic, I'd rather think of God being in the solution, not the problem.

Please take time out of your week to pray for the marginalized,


Jason

The Inaccuracies of the Inerrant Bible

(Ed Note: I will try to pump out at least three posts a week, but no promises with a full time job and caring for my kids in the evenings. -J)


Do you view scripture as "inerrant?"  If so, how do you define inerrant?

The Meriam-Webster dictionary defines inerrant as "free from error."  Can we really define the Bible in this way, whether we see each isolated doctrine as free from error or the larger narrative itself?  One could argue that human error is an integral part of the story, and while I know that is not how some define inerrant, the fact remains that the limitations of the authors and main "characters" within the Bible are intentionally present.

There are so many things that an inerrant view of scripture complicate.  I won't list them all (and couldn't), but here are a few of my issues:

1) Which version of scripture is inerrant?

KJV, NIV, NRSV, NKJV, etc., and those are just a fraction of English interpretations of the Bible.  If you are able to put aside that the Bible is largely made up of oral tradition, poetry and experience and that all of this was grounded in specific cultures and settings in history, and that there are numerous other steps in the process of putting together the canon (let alone transcribing it into different languages), which version is the most complete?  Or maybe all interpretations are to be seen as inerrant?  Or are the original transcriptions inerrant?
I think I've made my point.  Each version of the Bible, as objective as those who do the tedious work of translating try to be, has it's own different bias.  This is good from the standpoint that as many people as possible should be able to be included in reading the Bible.  It becomes bad when we elevate our own translations, and subsequently, our own limited views.

2) The "Inerrant Bible" detracts from its true purpose.

My teacher in Bible class way back in high school had a nice way of describing the Bible:  It is perfect in its purpose.  If we approach the Bible as equally important in everything it teaches we lose the significance of who scripture is pointing us towards.  What then, does scripture become?

3) The Bible can quickly become an idol when we become dependent on scripture instead of on God in Christ?


John Frye, who used to be my pastor in my childhood church, has done a great job of continually addressing this epidemic in modern Christianity.  He has preached on it, written on it, and obviously thought long and hard about it.  His blog is here: http://www.jesustheradicalpastor.com/  Do we worship the God who lives in the real world, or the God who exists and is limited within the Bible?  Is it possible to experience God apart from the Bible, in a way that isn't described in the Bible?  How did the early church manage to have faith without the New Testament?  They were living it!  Perhaps the real question is how can we continue living the story today?

It seems that Christians today either elevate the past at the expense of the present or throw out years of traditional understandings for a "modern" understanding of scripture which elevates our own experience and in its own way can diminish God's continuing story in creation.  The Bible isn't free from error, and in a way that's the point.  Each of the authors seemed to bear a fully limited witness to a divine God, and we continue to bear a limited witness today.  This is why we ultimately need God, and not a God who can be figured out so easily or who can be put into our boxes for our use, but a God who fully intends to make the world right.


The Bible isn't meant to answer all of our questions.  When we treat the Bible this way, we get the Crusades, the Inquisition, the Bible as a defense for slavery, the injustices done to women and homosexuals in the name of God, etc. etc. etc.  I am aware of my own limitations, heck, this blog post is far from perfect in any way, but I prefer to view the Bible as a witness to God's glory and ultimate sacrifice through Christ who conquers death and prepares the way for true justice, wholeness, etc.  The Bible is fully human in its witness.  It contradicts itself several times.  There are some things we can never know.  But the beautiful thing is, much like Jesus is viewed as fully God and fully human, the limited nature of the Bible doesn't detract from its true purpose, it actually accentuates our need for something, for someone, more.

I do hope that you got something in this rant that speaks to you and I'd love to get anyone's feedback as usual (comments/facebook/coffee for those in GR).

God bless,

Jason

Soul Searching.....

As those who have read my blog know, it's been awhile...  You can tell from my last post that it was from the whole eruption over Rob Bell's book.  It was at this point in time that I also came to a point in my life where I questioned some of my decisions as the result of my calling being quite literally called to question.  This has all zapped my creative energy, as well as energy in general, and has led to this blog becoming a dead zone.  I don't think that's a good thing.

To go into more detail, what follows is a somewhat general summary of how my life has gone since my last blog post and even before (categorized in different pursuits, i.e. personal, family, church/occupation, etc.):

Many of you know that I was going through the steps to becoming a local pastor in the United Methodist Church.  I went through all of the stated preliminary requirements and met with the dCOM (District Committee of Ministry) with my mentor to determine if I was ready to become a local pastor, which involves a continuing course of study.  They found that I was not ready, for reasons that I will not publicly disclose for numerous wise reasons.  This is probably the main reason for my blog energy being zapped.

Not long after this decision was made, I got a full time job with way more reliability than the job I had previously, although the requirements of the job have made it even less compelling to put energy into blogging.  My wife works second shift (I work first), so weekdays are usually taken up by work and child rearing.  Along with our changing job situations, my wife and I moved our family into a new apartment.

Obviously, the shift in my ministry expectations has affected this blog the most, and I take full responsibility for that, not because of the attention (more like lack of attention) this blog brings, but because it has been a healthy outlet for expressing my faith.  The feelings and emotions that culminated in that dCOM meeting have impacted me quite deeply, causing me to come face to face with a wide array of emotions: pain, anger, cynicism, doubt (not faith building doubt, but a doubt in my call), and a feeling of defeat and helplessness.  I worked quite hard to invest myself into pastoral ministry and it seemed to culminate in rejection.

So why blog now?  Even with all the emotions I felt following the dCOM meeting, I was aware of the strong possibility of what did happen, and while optimistic, my convictions and beliefs were not on the line.  My desire to express my faith, my interest in clarifying my positions, and my self-esteem may have waned for awhile, but my passion has not been extinguished.  I have begun to read consistently again, and I was in the middle of reading NT Wright's "Simply Christian" when I received an almost inexplicable hunger to "get back on the horse."  It's hard to explain, but sometimes when you go through hard times spiritually it takes a reminder from the Almighty to re-energize us with truths:

I am not a failure.
I can be helpful to others regardless of personal status.
I still feel a call, and it has survived one of the toughest spiritual trials of my life.

God moves in mysterious ways......

Grace and peace,

Jason