God As Mother

Hello reader(s),

I know I haven't updated as I would like, but life has gotten in the way.  My sister is contributing this to my blog and I'm afraid after you read her writing that anything I post will just be elementary.  None of the images I looked at to complement the post do it justice, and I would like to mention that if certain language offends you, don't judge this piece based on a couple words you may/may not like.  You could learn something!  Without further ado......

God As Mother

When I was growing up, I distinctly remember the days when I felt sick and needed (or just wanted) to stay home from school. Dad, in true Dad form, would respond with a “you really need to go to school if you can.” In other words, it can’t be that bad, so suck it up and deal. So I always knew who to appeal to for sympathy and understanding: Mom. “Oh sweetie, what’s wrong? I’m sorry. It’s okay to stay home if you need to, and yes, I will go call the school and let them know.” Ahh… and I will lay back down and let her fuss over me a bit….
    Let me clarify, neither of these responses was right or wrong. In fact, I believe they were both out of a place of love and caring (or as close to it as they could be). My dad meant to encourage strength and perseverance in us kids (among other things), and these are good and necessary parts of growth. Some days, I knew his advice probably should be heeded; my “sickness” was more psychological - I wanted to avoid something hard that was coming that day.
    But, when I really didn’t feel good, I just became angry at his response. It felt uncaring. I needed someone to validate. I needed to be soothed and cared for because I felt awful. I wanted someone to reassure me to stay in bed, while she ran to the store for saltines, Ginger ale, and any meds not in the house. I needed my mom.
    My point is this: something inherently changes when I begin to view God as Mother. For the majority of my life, and if I’m not mistaken, for the majority of centuries past, God has been associated with White, male, and dominance. God has been a Father, a Son, and a Spirit… And again, there is something beautiful and wonderful and good about these pictures, but they are distorted and fucked up when the female is not a part of completing a picture (and also when voices of other races and cultures are not present).
    God does not have gender. In God’s image, God created male AND female. Females reveal something of God that males cannot. Why else would God have created both? (This does not mean that men and women are vastly different; indeed, there is much greater similarity between the genders than difference, and making them so different has mainly been a reason for oppression of males over females - since difference in the Trinitarian roles means Father is over Son who is over Spirit, but that’s another fucked up story for another time and place…). In not allowing God to be seen/reflected in BOTH males and females, we have inherently lost something profound and meaningful about God.
    When I think about God as Father, or really God at all (since He has been male in my mind this whole time really) I conjure up images of a judge who has a whole list of do’s and don’ts. He feels distant most often, and even when He’s near, He’s so other to me that I don’t always know how to relate. Yes, some of this “otherness” is necessary as God is God and I am human. But, as a good friend has been talking about lately, the differences that separate us from Jesus are time and culture. That’s a gigantic leap in and of itself. Her husband has never had to think twice about relating to Jesus as a man though. There’s something understood in that identification. But for her and me, and for women in general, that just makes us one more step removed from connecting to and relating with Jesus - and the God of the universe.
    But this doesn’t have to be the case. God is representative of strength and power (concepts typically designated to males), but God is also compassionate and understanding (typically thought of as qualities designated to the “weaker” female sex). When God as Mother is allowed to be this new category in my mind, She is the one who invites and welcomes me with open arms. She spends hours listening to all my emotional ups and downs. She looks like the nursing mother who holds us as infants to her, feeding us, keeping us warm, and delighting in singing over us.
    I’ve been taking this Human Growth and Development class this term, and it is amazing to learn about the bond that is created between a mother and her infant child. In fact, newborns do not know how to regulate their own affect and emotions. They have to look to their mothers to regulate, and in turn, they eventually are able to internalize these patterns. As a mother soothes her baby, so the baby will eventually learn to soothe herself (so just think of what that means for babies whose mothers find other ways of dealing with their babies…). In learning about this relationship, I have been able to symbolically become an infant again, allowing Mother God to care for me. Sometimes, in all this work of learning self-care, I do not know I need or want. I am able to look to Mother God, being dependent on her and starting to internalize the ways She is present with me, so that I can be better present with myself.
    As I was skimming through a magazine recently, I came across this quote: “This is what makes us divine--the possibility of creating another life should remind women that we are made like God in our ability.” This understanding of God as Mother is a breath of fresh air, an opening place, a freedom. It means that instead of looking outside of myself grasping for qualities that are God-like that I have to obtain, I am able to be inside myself, just as I am, a reflection of something beautiful and wonderful and worthwhile.
    For so long, I’ve realized, I have idealized my dad. He is theologically-minded, strong, perseverant, and almost always “right.” He has been passionate about church and visions for God’s people. I strove to be like him, trying to get good grades and be dedicated to all of the same things - small groups, evangelism in a new way, intentional relationship, the importance of connecting with neighbors, etc. Dad was everything that stood for what God is like. I had to become more like Dad to be more like God. And, while this brought out many good things in me (things I don’t want to lose or give up) and helped me to push through things I may not have otherwise pushed through, I kept bumping up against this, “well, what about these other parts of me?” What about the fact that I am female and he is not?
    Working through my “dad issues” meant pushing Mom into the background, and since she is so opposite from Dad, it meant trying to be less like her. In their marriage, Dad has the stronger voice and opinion. I’m coming around to value Mom more and see the beauty and gifts that she has given to me. Seeing God as more of a mom figure means I get to be more playful, and I get to value rest more deeply. I am allowed to be “emotional” and feel what I feel without it becoming a shameful or dramatic thing. It is so good to hold both Mom and Dad in ways that they can balance each other out, instead of pitting one against the other in some way.
    Ultimately, what this wraps around to for me, is that if God represents both “male” and “female” somehow (or really the other way around, since we are image bearers of God), than in being like God, we should all strive to have the male/female balance within ourselves. I am to be strong and tender because God is strong and tender. And, this also means celebrating our diversity in our unity. What I bring to the table is going to be different from the other voices. We all have a uniqueness, and ideally we would let our various voices be heard and represented, knowing that we all reflect God in deep and profound ways.